Sad panda

Hello blokes! i am abit sad, because i checked my "possible" future jobs, well, first thing at here where i am living, here is not anything good, mostly customer services and selling computers and mobiles. Well, i dont want to only sell stuff. I want work with computer stuff. Second, in Helsinki, there i found plenty good jobs, but they want person, who is really good at english, so that failed too, because, im not good enough on english, especially at spoken english, i am horrible speaking english. Well, be honest, i am horrible at written english too. But one dream is improve my english skills better and that and it has been successful in part. Third, Helsinki's apartment are pretty pricy. So i need to have good job to pay my apartment and food monthly.

So seems that i dont have any future plans. And its makes me sad, de fuck, im getting more and more despressed. I dont want to live my whole day with my mom, without money, spending my mom's money and etc. Its so immature to me. I really need to thing my future. What i want to do, where i want to do that which are really important to me. One option is to become waster, but i want to earn my money. Well, i want to entertain others, but that cant be my "future jobs". It is more like hobby for me. And i love makes people to smile. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGGG!!!!

All my friends has future plans, and part of them actually has a job, and they enjoy that what they are doing. They are telling what they needed to on their work, and seems they are really happy to having their own future. I cant even tell them that "yeah, seems funny, well i dont have any future plans, so yeah" . Of cource i am happy for their life and etc, but i cant hold my emotions and mind. Its still bring in my mind those stuff. 

Well, now i cleared abit my mind, so see you next time!